Fast forward to the eventual release of the Wii, and unbeknownst to us all, Nintendo had decided to collect nine of these little technical beta morsels, and package them up as Wii Play. In theory, much as Wii Sports serves an ace as both tech demo and long lasting multiplayer experience, Wii Play should be a cracker given the potential to have fun with the white wand of joy. Fishing? Table Tennis? Laser Hockey? All sounds a proper hoot and no mistake. Sadly, the end product fails to live up to the initial promise.

The main problem with Wii Play is that it completely fails to transcend its intended purpose: to demonstrate the many ways you can use your new controller. Add into the equation the fact that some of the nine mini-games are hindered by their control method, or are simply so shallow that most players will be bored in minutes. In fact, the only saving grace is that a Wiimote is bundled in with the title, meaning it is only really costing you a fiver, in real terms.

That isn’t to say that there is nothing to like about the bugger. But the thrills are nearly always cancelled out by the limitations of each game. The Shooting section is the most well implemented. It borrows heavily from the aforementioned Duck Hunt but also from the arcade Point Blank series, and proves that there is genuine potential for the Wiimote to be used as a lightgun peripheral, with a bit of thought. The glaring problem with Shooting, however, is that the targets on display do not vary their position from one game to the next. This means that from your second play onwards it becomes a simplistic memory test, with very little dexterity required due to the low level of difficulty. It is crushingly disappointing, given how right it all feels when you first play it. Let’s hope someone from Namco has tried it, so we might get to see Dr Don and Dr Dan in Wii-vision.

“Pose Mii” is an undeniably entertaining effort, which involves using the pointer to manoeuvre your onscreen character into the bubbles that float around the screen, the twist being that they will not fit into the bubble unless you physically alter their pose first. Poses are switched with the A button and B trigger, whilst they can be rotated by twisting the Wiimote like a key unlocking a door. There are three poses in all, and the experience becomes a decent enough, if simplistic puzzler. Two player mode splits the screen and become surprisingly frantic as you are able to pop the bubbles of your opponent. A difficult game to actually describe unless you have a chance to play it, Pose Mii comes away from Wii Play with the most credit.

Using the Wiimote as a rod, the line is flicked into the stylised cartoon pond, and you wait for a bite. Once you hook a fish, the controller will rumble, so you land it by pulling the controller backwards. Sadly, “Fishing” is a frustrating experience, and most of your time will be spent with the “rod” being whipped around maniacally above the pond, as you categorically fail to land the points-giving fish. Over sensitive controls that make the sport needlessly lightweight and unrealistic spoil this game entirely.

Sensitivity is also an issue in “Laser Hockey”. Played in the same fashion as air hockey, the vivid, fluorescent visuals initially entice the player and for a fleeting moment you think that this could be a banker. The controls however do not feel intuitive and are way too sensitive, meaning that what should be a corking game of bat and ball turns out to be something of a lottery. “Billiards” is another casualty to poorly implemented control method-syndrome. The delicate, precise physics of the game are reduced to a battle to actually strike the damn cue ball, as you pull the Wiimote back and then forward to mimic the cue. Stray off screen with your controller and the current shot is terminated; move a fraction of an inch before your strike and you slice wildly. Not much fun.

“Find Mii” is an insulting “Where’s Wally?” pastiche, which ties in with the Mii Channel on the console and asks you to find specific Mii faces in the crowd, or to choose the odd one out, or to realise that you aren’t likely to return to this appaling mini-game in a month of Sundays. The sole appeal of this will be the Mii Channel synchronicity, and this is an appeal that will wane quickly, much like the novelty of seeing yourself on television when you watch a home movie. “Charge!” is a simple demonstration of how the Wiimote can be turned sideways and used like a steering wheel, and features a marauding cow knocking down scarecrows. “Table Tennis” returns to the overly sensitive, game ruining controls of laser hockey, much as a dog will return to its sick, and is another crap Pong clone.

Last game on offer is “Tanks” – move your tank around the maze-like single screen, fire shells that bounce off the walls to destroy the enemy tanks, you have seen this sort of thing many times before. In fact, your correspondent has been emailed this game before at work. It is fun, especially with two players, but has absolutely no place on Wii Play, given that it makes no use of the capabilities of the remote, and stands out like a sore thumb. A bizarre choice, for sure.

It has to be said that as a standalone game, Wii Play is suitable perhaps only for those who play games very little, young children, or even animals. Casual gamers will revel in the possibilities of the controller and the simple party games, whilst children – without wishing to insult their intelligence – would arguably have a much better tolerance threshold with regards to boredom, longevity, willingness to live, etc. Anyone else should only be buying this because it represents decent value at a mere 'deep sea diver' if you want another remote, and certain parts of it will distract you, and possibly a friend, for a few moments of your life. Forget what you have heard about this being a title that will “train” you how to use your new hardware - it doesn’t. You can learn much more with the in-bundle magnificence of Wii Sports, or the genuine innovation offered by Wario Ware. Let’s hope that more consideration is put into future first party releases of this ilk.