Now don’t get it twisted - we here at NTSC-Uk are big fans of all things hip-hop. Breakdancing is an exhilarating visual spectacle that has its roots way back when the now omnipresent phenomenon was in its infancy. Legendary “b-boy” crews, such as Rock Steady, were tearing it up when the imbecile likes of Diddy were still in prep school. Which is why we had to go pour out a little liquor when we had spent a few hours “up in this bitch”.

B Boy is in essence a rhythm action game, pure and simple. The premise is that you play a budding b-boy who works his way up through the ranks with the intention of becoming the mack daddy, or summat. This is achieved through the medium of “the throwdown” – breakers’ lingo for a one-on-one dance off. The throwdown is presented in-game much in the same fashion as with a conventional beat ‘em up, with character introductions and each round counted in. Most of the buttons on the PSP are used in conjunction with the d-pad to pull off the crazy stunts and tricks. The face buttons, for example, represent the four main forms or base moves – Sixstep, Windmill, Freeze and Top Rock. The shoulder buttons are sensibly used to mimic balance, and the d-pad and analogue nub control your position on the “mat”. The aim is then to use combinations of button presses, in time to the music and little bar thing in the corner of the screen, to make your opponent feel embarrassed and belittled at the stone-cold majesty of the shapes you are pulling off. On paper this sounds all well and good, but there are a number of reasons why it fails miserably.

The best rhythm based games are simplistic enough to hook you in, but have a depth or difficulty curve that will keep you playing for prolonged periods. B-Boy has a little bit too much going on for its own good, and it is likely that you will get confused or frustrated very quickly. Similarly, other music-themed fare usually have a peripheral or gimmick to spice things up. Donkey Konga and Taiko have their drums, DDR has a dance mat and that tambourine one off of the PS1 has a tambourine. B-Boy has guest appearances by the likes of Crazy Legs from the Rock Steady Crew, and an award-winning funk soundtrack that proper b-boys will appreciate – including, for example, James Brown’s “Get On The Good Foot”, widely recognised as one of the seminal tunes that led to breakdancing’s popularity. Erik B & Rakim’s superlative “Don’t Sweat The Technique” is another standout. It may have some funky-ass beats, but the clunky gameplay and lack of thought put into the way the game is structured would have DJ Kool Herc crying into his pint.

The pace and flow of the game is all wrong. The nature of throwing it down against an opponent means that once you have done your bit, you then have to wait for your opponent to finish theirs. Remarkably, this is unskippable. There are also excrutiating loading times. So in a nutshell, you fiddle your way confusingly through a few minutes of spinning, stray legs and Nina Simone warbling, and are then forced to waste your precious batteries watching the CPU do the same. This just isn’t cricket in one player mode; at least if you are playing against a human foe on wi-fi you can spend the time pulling faces at them, calling them names or flicking things to try and put them off. This “wait for your turn” issue is understandable, if you think about it. Much like freestyle battle rapping, breakdancers naturally go one after the other in competition. If you were watching two world class dancers in a real life competition, it would definately be incredibly exciting. Likewise, if you were an actual b-boy, watching your opponent uprock your ass would be part of the adrenaline fuelled buzz of competition. Here, it just makes you wish that you could hit the fast forward button.

The incentives for playing are few and far between, with a few medals, some unlockable adidas clothing, a few more music tracks and real-life breakdancing locations. Developers Freestyle are quick to point out that this is a non-violent representation of hip-hop culture, but when the gameplay is so insipid and rewards so meagre, we would take the Def Jam-endorsed route and kick the stuffing out of Xzibit any day of the week, ta.

Yes it looks very nice, and the whole package has been put together very stylishly. The soundtrack is aiiight if you like that sort of thing, but we would have preferred the ability to use your own tracks, or just a few more good ol’ hip-hop bangers to bring it up to date a bit. Most of all though, we wish that Freestyle had looked beyond making such an over-earnest representation of the dance phenomenon. A simplified take on breakdancing, with larger than life characters, a more stylized approach and better rewards for the player could have been a proper hoot. As it is, you would be better off avoiding this and acting wild in the comfort of your own home if you fancy getting your yerks on.

True dat.