Kane is a treacherous ex-mercenary, responsible for the death of his son and betraying his mercenary friends, stealing their money and leaving them to die. Lynch is “a medicated psychopath” (a description the game uses with aplomb) who is responsible for killing his wife in a moment of madness. Both men find themselves on Death Row for their crimes and, not entirely by chance, are thrown together in a broken bid for some small measure of redemption. Sprung by the The7, Kane’s former friends make him an offer he simply can’t refuse. Whatever happens, The7 intend to kill him for his betrayal but if he returns the stolen money they will let his estranged wife and daughter live. For baby-sitting Kane and making sure he delivers the cash, Lynch will be offered his place as part of The7.

All this should set the stage for making Kane and Lynch: Dead Men a gritty action-packed tale, the kind that doesn’t grace gaming very often. “Should” being the operative word.

Like a novice lorry driver with a dodgy sat-nav, Kane and Lynch’s promising plot seems to jam itself in a narrow cul-de-sac of story telling and settings. Despite having massive potential with its themes and characters, it doesn’t even come close to realising a fraction of its potential. A prime example is Lynch’s psychosis, something that is initially made to be a big issue and which could have also been an interesting gameplay feature. This quickly falls by the wayside once revealed. Going days without his medication, instead of sliding further and further downhill, he seems to become a moral champion and guiding compass between right and wrong. It’s almost as if the team had no idea of what to do after the initial opening and suddenly decided to shy away from it. In fact, by the time the game decides to relocate the levels to war-torn Havana, the only grit will be the player’s teeth as they sit wondering how much longer they have to suffer it. It’s the equivalent of the metaphorical sat-nav trucker mashing the gears out of fear and frustration and taking out Mrs Jones’ at No 32’s front wall.

Setting the amateur storytelling and sloppy character exposition aside, in terms of visuals Kane and Lynch is very much the clichéd mixed bag. There are moments which have clearly had thought, time and effort put into them. Notably, the shootout in a diner which is right under the flight path for the local airport with planes landing, rattling the building as they pass. Then there’s the crowded Tokyo nightclub complete with hordes of clubbers and a visual overload of harsh neon lighting (which, despite being impressive, had previously been done by Hitman: Blood Money). Little things like Kane and Lynch both ending up caked in dried mud after an earlier encounter in a rain-soaked construction site are small but nice touches that go a long way. Then there are the times when the game looks extremely plain and rushed, almost unfinished. The opening escape sequence in particular looks ropey and decidedly sub-par, almost like it’s been tossed together as an afterthought and not exactly presenting the best of first impressions.

The emphasis on Kane and Lynch’s third person adventure is shooting but it doesn’t exactly make things easy. Straight off, the aiming controls feel sluggish and no matter how much you fiddle with the settings it never feels right.

In order to avoid damage the player can use cover, automatically snapping to it when close enough. Again, the mechanic is hampered by bad implementation that certainly doesn’t match the fluid nature of recent titles like Uncharted, or even those that are already over a year old like Gears of War. While most players will be able to adapt to where and when they can take cover, it all feels like a massive leap backward.

There are also some parts which seem to be lacking even basic games design principles or even any forethought. Later levels see the player manning a jeep-mounted gun turret but for some reason the field of movement is restricted to 180 degrees. Not a problem in itself, save that the section requires 360-degree-movement and the game delights in shooting you in the back of the head with no way of retaliating. Toss in some lazy level design principles (being forced to wander through the same stage twice in rapid succession smacks of desperately trying to stretch things out) and AI which is more than predictable and it starts to feel more like “Kane and Lynch: My First Video Game”.

Certain levels introduce an element of squad control with Kane being able to direct them to go to a certain point, fire on enemies or just stay close to him. The implementation of this feature is rigid and inflexible, however, so while it’s possible to give individuals specific tasks, the best tactic is to group them all together and win by brute force, especially since this is done by holding down a single button rather than mashing though directional pad presses and multiple button clicks that never seem to really get you anywhere anyway.

Despite having two main protagonists, in single player Kane is the primary character with Lynch being governed by the squad mechanics. There is an option for local co-op play in which the player can choose to be Kane or Lynch but even this requires some unnecessary fiddling with profiles in order to work, rather than being a case of simply pressing a button. The developers don’t seem to have been able to implement co-op over a network either which is a shame given that the co-operative aspect is perhaps Kane and Lynch’s only redeeming feature. This is despite the best efforts to ruin even this feature with the vertically split screen leaving the field of vision feeling cramped and squashed. In fact some of the fixed-point sequences have your vision obstructed by the back of the other player's head.

Credit where it’s due, the multiplayer aspect does make a flaccid attempt at something different. Instead of being simple death match or variations thereon, players must work together in a team to perform a heist and escape with the cash. The twist comes from the option for players to intentionally betray and kill their team mates to harvest their share of the cash. In a bid to get around players just killing one another whenever they like, in order to maximise their cash and chances of success players must work together. The major oversight is that once you know the level layout there’s very little incentive not to try and kill your opponents at the last minute in an attempt to gain all the loot. Even worse, Kane and Lynch’s multiplayer is already bereft of players and in no way makes up for the entrance fee required to play it.

Being blunt, Kane and Lynch: Dead Men is a sickly mess of a game with the multitude of negatives undermining every positive. Some of the ideas are potentially sound but the whole thing reeks of something that has been rushed out the door and given a solid kick up the arse as it went, when it really could have done with at least another twelve months' preparation and a lot more planning and play-testing to fit it all together. If anything, kudos should be given to the development team who must have known the absolute wreck they had on their hands, but were still happy enough to stand by their pay cheques and dole out such a woeful attempt at a video game experience.

Some things just have very few redeeming qualities.