| Fifa 2006: Road to FIFA World Cup review |
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Every freshly introduced console which promises new levels of unbridled power has the odd turkey arrive on launch day. Usually it’s a case of a rushed project attempting to make use of the launch day hysteria to claim as much cash from those early adopters with some dazzling aesthetics, which are sorely let down by a pathetically small amount of gaming meat hidden inside.
Let it be made perfectly clear, FIFA 06: Road to the World Cup is the Xbox 360’s turkey.
The screenshots have been shown off with the desired effect, gaining incredible exposure, and getting ‘da kidz’ talking about the graphical beauty that the 360 can bring. But it’s only once everything’s seen moving that it all starts to crumble.
Looking past the fact that each and every player appears to be coated in some extra-shiny Vaseline (hence the sunlight glistens off their moist thighs)... even ignoring the ridiculous ‘blur effect’ which sees everything that the developers presumed the player wouldn’t be focussing their attention on looking somewhat akin to the pub backdrop after they’ve just guzzled down a dozen pints of the strong stuff... this next-gen sequel (used in its loosest possible sense) looks worse than the previous generation's version.
Obviously the groundsmen who occupy their time making sure the pitch is kept in good shape have taken some long-term leave, the grass appearing to have been neglected for innumerable weeks. But despite all these mystifying inclusions, things could have been saved by the delights of the animation. And for an incredibly brief period, those who made a purchase may feel like their hard-earned cash has gone to a developer eager to utilise the extra processing power of the 360 to its fullest. After each foul you’ll get a short replay, showing off some quite sublime collision detection and hence offering some wonderful-looking crunching tackles. The way limbs clash with not even the slightest clippiest hint of legs passing through each other is a sight that needs to be seen to be believed.
Unfortunately the other in-game replays don’t follow this glorious example. Hit a shot slightly over the bar (which will occur far too readily thanks to the accompanying power bar filling up with abandon) and what then occurs is a perfect example of programming incompetence. After the frankly daft amount of thinking power behind the frequent arguments over PGR3’s choice of a steady 30 frames per second, that kind of number can only be dreamed of as the jerk-o-vision that was presumed lost many years ago makes a much unwanted appearance.
That’s all of course if stomachs are made of strong-enough stuff to take on the in-game action in its playable form. In attempting to cut down the high number of goals frequently scored in all iterations of the FIFA series, EA have decided that not only will they put a stop to anyone attempting to dribble past more than one opponent before running straight into an oncoming challenge, but also prevent even the paciest strikers from streaking away from a lumbering centre half. Hence there’re far fewer attempts on goal, confining the vast majority of play to happen somewhere around the centre circle with possession traded with even more eagerness than a Yorkshiremen given the chance to swap his long-suffering girlfriend for a brand new pigeon.
All that’s left to say is that if sporting action is what’s craved over the holiday season, please don’t inflict this particular brand on any close relatives. Even think twice before handing the joypad to that stingy uncle. No-one deserves to suffer playing this kind of dross.
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System: Microsoft Xbox 360
Genre: Sport
Developer: EA
Publisher: EA
Players: 1-4
Version: European
Reviewed: Dec 2005
Writer: Chris Pickering
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Pros:
- Nice looking crunching tackles
- Ermm....glistening manly thighs?
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Cons:
- Plays like a mangy dog
- Looks like a mangy dog
- A mangy dog probably offer's more fun
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