Far removed from the original and jolly-looking cartoon version, the recently relaunched King is sinister in appearance and motive. The adverts having him creeping up on unsuspecting people to dispense Burger King branded food and while a free lunch is not to be sniffed at, when it's delivered by a mute monstrosity with a massive head, mad staring eyes and fixed leering expression on its shiny plastic face, most people would only eat it for fear that refusal would result in a slow torturous death.

It's no surprise, now gaming is in the mainstream, that Blitz Games has been tasked by the Burger King Hyper-Global-Mega-Corporation to produce titles revolving around their beloved King. It only takes a cynical mind to see the games, which are only available from Burger King outlets when purchasing their fatty wares, are just a crafty way of exploiting gamers in the same way that the movie-tie-in toys exploit the kids. McDonalds had a hand in it years ago with Treasure Land Adventure.

Here at NTSC-uk we felt some trepidation when putting the games into our 360 for the first time. We know junk food is bad for you. It clogs your arteries, makes you 'go large' and leaves you with a complexion that looks like The Singing Detective's. So in the back of our minds lurked the thought that that playing the games would be the equivalent of gorging on Whoppers that would eventually cause the system to keel over from a digital coronary with the three red lights of death. Of course this didn't happen, but playing the games does leave you with inescapable feeling that you're a massive corporate whore with no morals and doing nothing but aiding your pastime's greasy descent into the latest venture for advertisers. There's also the shame of having to explain to people on your Friends list why you're playing such a blatant piece of advertising.

The games come in three distinct flavours; Sneak King, PocketBike Racer and Big Bumpin'.

Sneak King

The whole premise of the Burger King ads is that the King silently and unexpectedly delivers Burger King food to people when hunger strikes and this forms the cornerstone of Sneak King. Spread over four levels and playing as his Royal Highness, players must creep up on hungry citizens and majestically present them with fat-saturated treats to cram down their lardy cake holes. All without so much as a salad or fruit option in sight - it's enough to make Jamie Oliver flip his saucepan lid into a cocked chef's hat.

Creeping around each level, indicators appear over people's heads to show they're having a snack attack. Leave it too late in reaching them and they pass out from the hunger (and presumably a low blood sugar level). Reach then unseen before this happens and with a press of a button the King surprises them, complete with their excited squealing and a burst of gibberish chatter which sounds like a cross between a throttled chicken and Charlie Brown's school teacher. Having surprised them, the opportunity arises to present their food to them with a flourish, bringing up a fluctuating power bar. Hitting the button again at the right time results in anything from a bog-standard presentation, all the way up to a Level Three flourish - the more fancy the presentation, the greater the points awarded.

In a Metal Gear Solid: Artery fashion, people also have visible cones of sight attached to them and straying into these will result in the King losing the vital element of surprise. To help avoid this, as well as tip-toeing around them, the King can also hide at various points on the map. He can secret himself inside skips, throw himself into piles of sawdust and leaves, and even hide inside the doorways to people's homes, leaping out on a neighbour as they come calling. Of course, the King can only present food to those that are hungry, meaning that hiding isn't always a rewarding option (although bonus points are given for surprises that make good use of the environment). There is also limited interaction with some parts of the maps meaning the player can push over tree stumps or pipes to access other parts of the level.

Each level consists of around twenty challenges such as presenting a set number of items to people within a time limit or delivering them with a certain type of flourish, and these must be completed to progress. Annoyingly when a challenge is completed (or if the player fails and doesn't attempt a retry) the map resets the King back to his starting position so that he then has to traverse the whole level again if the next challenge lies on the other side. Similarly any items which have been pushed over to help cross the level are also reset.

Sneak King seems to revel in the whole concept of 'wrongness' that embodies the King adverts. Pushing the left analogue stick enters a first-person mode which doesn't allow for movement but views things through the eyes of the King's mask, complete with the heavy breathing sound of a maniac stalker (or just someone who's out of shape from eating far too many burgers). It's this, when peering out of a garbage can as a hungry young woman approaches, that makes you stop and think about just how unwholesome the idea really is... and then you'll jump out on her anyway. Sneak King is undeniably fun for a while and certainly a guilty pleasure, but its main failing is that it quickly becomes repetitive. At the very latest, by the time the player reaches the third level, all the challenges start to become very similar and it's clear that the game is meant to be enjoyed in bite-sized pieces, rather than extended servings.

Score: 6/10

PocketBike Racer

If there's one thing guaranteed to make high-speed motor sports racing more dangerous, it's high-speed motor sports racing on a grossly undersized bike. In PocketBike Racer (a bit of a misnomer since although the bikes are smaller, they're not that small) Burger King want the players to embrace the high-speed recklessness of whizzing around a Burger King car park after one too many additive-packed milkshakes.

Along with the burger-distributing majesty himself, players can choose from a number of other racers. These include the Internet viral marketing phenomenon Subservient Chicken, celebrity King ligger and actress Brooke Burke, half man/half burger mascot Whopper Jnr and other game-specific characters such as a drive-thru attendant and mysterious Top Gear Stig-like masked rider.

The game has a number of race modes, which helps to keep things varied. Hardcore mode is a simple race to the finish line, while the Standard Mode adds weapons into the racing mixture. Here, by driving between cone checkpoints the power gauge fills allowing the player to use a speed boost or, as a trade off, various items to attack other racers. In a missed opportunity for even more shameless promotion the weapons are strangely devoid of grease-laden patties to grease up the track and spin opponents off or even cups of scolding hot coffee to throw in their laps and incapacitate them. Instead the weapons include things like homing missiles, firecrackers to lay on the track and even disorientating flash bang grenades. The game also features a Battle Royale (hold the cheese) mode where the alternative objective to racing is to score as many attacks on the other players as possible.

There are a variety of mini-bikes to unlock each with different handling and attributes for their top speed etc. The controls are surprisingly responsive and tight meaning it doesn't take long for the player to be able to drift around the tracks at breakneck speed.

Although there are only four tracks in the game they are well constructed and not just thrown together with a lot of thought having been put into some areas such as the suburban backyards and the construction site. There are shortcuts in each level and although this adds extra depth, they can leave players at a serious disadvantage if they haven't discovered them. Some shortcuts have also been created unintentionally, meaning they are more like cheating as you boost yourself over the course barriers and well into the lead, Wario Stadium style.

Despite the limited number of tracks, the combination of different game modes and difficulty ratings make PocketBike Racer entertaining when it's taken for what it is - an unashamed Mario Kart clone intended to advertise Burger King.

The game also features multiplayer for each of the modes over Live, so anyone who's a glutton for punishment can play against the neverending horde of squeaky-voiced children that got the game free with their Kids Choice meal.

Score: 6/10

Big Bumpin'

Bumper Cars; the fun way to give each other whiplash. Taking the view that neck and back injuries are a source of entertainment and something to be encouraged, Big Bumpin' sees up to four of the Burger King characters placed in an arena in a bid to outbump each other. Presumably with the losers having been knocked around so much that their stomach decides to forcibly eject their Deluxe Mega-meal all down their front.

Different arena structures are present for the different modes, varying from simple squared shapes with no boundaries to stop cars being knocked out of play, through to those containing walls that intermittently spew jets of flame or protruding circular blades. Others include dividers and partitions used to separate the players in a game of hide and seek - or rather hide, seek and bump. The modes also dictate the type of arena that can be played in. For example during the standard 'bump off' matches, where the idea is to simply drain your opponents' energy bar and be the last man standing, the bland four-sided arena is used. However in modes such as Bumpin’ Hockey which plays like a form of air hockey where each side tries to score the most goals, barriers are introduced so that the player must negotiate the obstacles as well as the other bumper cars.

Weapons and power-ups also appear during matches which includes items to restore the player's health, speed them up (thereby causing more damage to others on contact), drain other players' speed or a Pass the Bomb-style weapon which severely damages the player left holding it when the timer runs down. Only the health restore seems of any real use with the rest feeling almost incidental to the game.

Out of the BK trilogy Big Bumpin' certainly feels the most awkward to play; if Sneak King and PocketBike Racers are the Store Managers, then Big Bumpin' is that special brand of spotty little oik who's left to clean the tables. Control of the cars feels unresponsive and very floaty meaning, thanks to the strange sense of inertia, you never actually feel fully in charge of what's happening. Even the movement of the puck suffers from the same problem, meaning winning is more a game of chance than any bearing on skill. It is also far too easy to get confused as to which player is which thanks to the camera and the similarity of the cars, leading to moments of surprise and frustration when you think you're romping home with a win, only to find it's actually your opponent. Plus it's highly disturbing that the in-game announcer sounds like Tim Curry's version of Pennywise the Clown and may have you waking up in a cold sweat for weeks to come.

Again the game features multiplayer over Live, but suffers from very few people playing online and is solely populated by prepubescents with limited vocabularies that consist of nothing but insults.

It's fitting that just like fast food all three titles do exactly what you expect and are cheap pieces of throwaway entertainment. No doubt it's only a matter of time until we get to play McDonalds' Hamburgler Breakin' and Enterin', KFC's Battery Chicken Chargin' and Pizza Hut's Fat Pizza Mama.

Score: 3/10